My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
