Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
