He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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