I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
