How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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