Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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