my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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