party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
