I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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