Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
