Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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