Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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