I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
