I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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