Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
