Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
