A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think people are normalizing furries
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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