When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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