we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
