she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
