i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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