The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
