I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
