I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
