is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
