That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
