Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
