I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
