how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
