I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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