I look better un-naked...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
