If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
