But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
