The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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