doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
