Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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