oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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