just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
