i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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