I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
