i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wear drunk well.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
