so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
