Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
