Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
