i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
