Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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