ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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