i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
