its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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