Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
