after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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