Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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